Moving on…Kind of

My main cancer treatment is over, and I’m glad to be finished with it. Life has kept me busy with other things since then, everyday things like work and family. I don’t think about cancer much any more–well, except when I take that little Tamoxifen pill every evening…or when I get dressed and glimpse the faded scar from surgery…or when I lift my arm and feel a twinge in the arm pit where muscles and nerves are still repairing themselves…or when anyone mentions cancer in any context…

Maybe I just dont want to think about cancer. When someone posts that thing on Facebook about “if you know someone with cancer, etc., etc., post this,” I never post it. When someone “likes” a cancer site or organization, I don’t “like” it. I don’t even wear the nice Susan G. Komen sweatshirt my husband gave me for Christmas. (I do plan to wear it once I actually walk in the Race for the Cure. There it would fit right in.) I guess I just don’t want to be associated with cancer any more. I just want to live a regular life and move on. And for the most part, I do and I have. But there will always be that little niggling uncertainty.

“I was so nervous the first time I had a mammogram after having breast cancer,” a friend at church told me. I wonder how I will feel when that time arrives. Will I be scared that something will show up? Or will I be able to keep trusting in God who has seen me through so far? Or will I be scared, but still trusting?–I suppose one doesn’t necessarily negate the other.

Life is full of uncertainties, and that will never change. I am just more aware of them now. Still, whatever happens, I refuse to be defined by my cancer. I am not a “cancer victim.” “Cancer survivor”–yeah, I can handle that. Person who had cancer–even better. Just plain me, with all the complexity that being human includes–best of all.

Have a great day! I plan to.

About susanmaas

I grew up in the green state of Oregon, coming to love the birds, flowers, and other wild things of the woods. Our family homeschooled for sixteen years, spending wonderful vacations at the beach or camping in the western United States and British Columbia. For most of my adult life, I have been a part-time writer, creating personal experience stories, homeschooling articles, devotionals, Sunday school curriculum, and children's stories and books. I enjoy looking for signs of the eternal in nature and the small, everything events in our lives.
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