Two days until my surgery. I wake early with a knot forming in my stomach. It isn’t that I don’t trust God. I believe that He will see me through this, no matter what happens. But I don’t know yet just how much He expects of me. Will they have to remove a bunch of lymph nodes? Will I need chemo, along with the radiation? And how much will I hurt after the operation? The questions enter my mind before I fully awake and drift in and out during the day.
And so I bake banana bread–with chocolate chips. Why banana bread? Well, mainly because of that pile of over-ripe bananas sitting on my kitchen counter. And because I remember the banana bread my mother used to make back when I was a child, safe in the security of my family. And because I have this great recipe for banana bread that includes chocolate chips–the ultimate comfort food!
So I bake banana bread while praise music plays on the stereo, and I swipe a few chocolate chips and taste the batter–even though I know I shouldn’t. And life feels ordinary and good. But back in my bedroom, the after-surgery camisoles wait. And on my desk, official-looking papers tell me what to do–and not to do–the night before surgery, and how to care for a drain should I need one, and what exercises to do as I recover, and many more things that I never thought I would need to know.
The bread comes out of the oven, and I cut myself a slice while it’s still warm. Butter melts into it, and the chocolate chips are nice and gooey, and it tastes wonderful. I look forward to days when life will be ordinary again, knowing that ordinary will never be quite the same. But that’s not all bad.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NIV) So I wait to see what good things God will bring of this experience–kind of like turning over-ripe bananas into delicious bread.