On Monday, September 27, 2010, I received the official diagnosis of breast cancer–invasive lobular carcinoma to be precise. I was on my way outside to dump the cat litter when my cell phone rang. She asked if I were in a place where I could sit down and talk for a few minutes. I knew what that meant. I plopped down on the porch to hear the words I had been expecting, but dreading. She explained briefly what those three words, invasive lobular carcinoma, meant, but that was all she could tell me. The rest would have to wait until Friday.
And so now I wait. My journey through cancer has officially begun. What will it bring? How will it change my life? How will it affect my family and those around me? These questions will be answered in the days, weeks, and months ahead.
I am usually a rather fearful person. I’m no fun at amusement parks, because I won’t go on most of the rides. Spiders creep me out. And any time I have to speak in front of people, my hands sweat and my stomach turns into a wiggly glob of Jello. And yet so far I am not afraid. Instead I feel blessed. God has given me so much–a loving family, a wonderful church full of caring people, the beauty of nature around me, and a thousand other jewels of grace that I don’t deserve. In recent months, I had even asked, God, what are you preparing me for? My life has contained many “dark nights of the soul,” and yet recently His love has seemed so close to me. Now I know what the preparation was for. I pray that I can stay close to Him as I journey through this valley. And I still feel blessed beyond measure.